i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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