My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
