Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
