I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
