she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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