remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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