she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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