Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
