marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
