just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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