no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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