i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Randomize
