He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
