OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
