So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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