if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
