you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
