You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
