Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
