Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
