His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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