I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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