im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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