and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
