I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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