Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's always time for handjobs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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