She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
