I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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