Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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