Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
