YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
