haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
