I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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