I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
