What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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