I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
