love makes seman taste better
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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