I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
