I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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