I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
