my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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