you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize