Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
