things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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