Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
