Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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