so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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