god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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