Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
