she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your penis caused this!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
