I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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