I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
