just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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