All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
