i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's never too late to be topless.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love you.
Bad choice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize