Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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