So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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