I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize