I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
