she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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