then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Randomize
