Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
