My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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