you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You are a genius and a whore.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
