one might say we're banned from that church
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
