it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
