This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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