just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
