Screwed.edu
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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