I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
