People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
